The Gifts Of Imperfection Personalized: How It Began

My journey began by noticing an advertisement for Super Soul Sunday.

The seed was planted.; rather than watching another reality show I made a decision to record Oprah’s Life Class on Sunday. Now interestingly only one session has recorded......I watched it.

Brené Brown was the guest speaker and I loved what she had to say.

Now I have read her book, “The Gifts Of Imperfection” before.

Some will smile here because it was a book that came up in a book club for me and I had a resistance to reading it. I can try and psychoanalyze the reason....I will simply say.....at that point in my life I had read and owned volumes of self help books...... all excellent.

Reading about my character defects or those tormenting saboteurs of joy that rule in my psyche at times makes me feel even more unsuccessful....especially when you already know.

So I start by asking myself a question.....what made me take this e-course and why now? Two things actually.... I became aware of how much of a foothold certain “gremlins” Brené’s word.....Saboteurs (my words) had in my life and secondly I was curious about using art to overcome them.

(credit oneguyrambling.com)

Allow me to introduce to you some of my Saboteurs and give a brief example of how they operate within me. Perhaps you may identify.

The Crappy Comparer....shits on me – I must value and acknowledge my own specialness

I’m watching the Ricky Lake show on how to shop for a proper bra. It is dealing with large busted womens’ problems. The comparer is stealthy and silent.....I actually do not realize for a very long time I feel less than till the voice comes and says “if only you had”

The Snatching Thief Called Worry.....steals my joy....I must guard my joy

(credit pacsafe.com)

Worry. Now I come from the very best.....my Mother. When I used to visit her, she would worry the whole time about when we were leaving.

Evident to the outsider but not to the actual person this saboteur is very sneaky - like picking your pocket. You do not even notice your enjoyment is missing.

The Worry Wrecker .......contributes to wreckage....I must be a Prayer Warrior and envision success

(credit fskitchen.blogspot.com)

Well versed in spiritual laws I know my thoughts contribute to creation so when I do catch myself worried, I hold myself accountable and change my thoughts. To quote Noelle Oxenhandler in her book the Wishing Year, “The best worriers make the best wishers”. This I hope to live up to......far from perfect yet.....a work in progress.

The Carcass Dumper.....creates a blockage by dumping the past into the future....I must envision only success

A councillor in my past would say, "Shirley you are dragging a dead horse" whenever I brought up someone’s past behaviour as an argument. I wholeheartedly agree I do this....actually I do even better than that sometimes. I take that dead horse and heave it right out in front of me. It stops me in my tracks as I don’t want a hurtful repeat of a past behaviour. This is actually a protective devise for me. Sometimes I have figured out a way to jump over the carcass....calculated manipulation but I never feel good about the gains. Envisioning loving heart felt behaviour now seems to be working and definitely is for the greater good. Thank you councillor.

The Suspicious Shroud....darkens reality......I must shrug it off..... quit questioning....who cares.....accept and enjoy the gift.

Oh! I am so good at this. I wonder if when someone is doing something nice it is because they are feeling guilty about something and not because they genuinely want to please. A protective cover I have hung onto due to past conditioning. What it protected me from I am not exactly sure, I wonder if this is an off shoot that comes from a childhood teaching of not accepting something because then you will owe them. Or perhaps at times it was a guilt gift... who cares??? .blow off the bad energy of guilt and or suspicion...refuse to take it on....give it as compost to Mother Earth.....delight in the gift.

The Assumer.....makes an ass out of me.....I must get off my dumb ass...and get grounded in the moment and fact.

I still struggle with this one. Partly because I am never clear whether someone’s past behaviour creates the assumption or is it intuition or is it just plain fear.

Anyway I look at it .......my thoughts may be inappropriate

The Judge/ Executioner....death to joy and love.....I must give birth to love and live

Well years have tempered my black and white nature and I believe I reside more in the open mindedness of shades of grey.....(interesting how a book can actually influence the interpretation of language). My personal journey is to avoid and break all bondages of suffering and pain. Sentencing imprisons me.

S(mother)......inhibits the spark of growth.......

Yup, I quite often do not even realize I do this. I care take. It feels like love. I must take care.

(okay....in my dreams....embellishment is allowed)

Pulverizing Perfectionist....destroys my accomplishments by hammering on the slight imperfection....I must focus on what was right.

(credit batgirl.com)

I have had many glorious accomplishments but somehow I can only focus on the little mistakes. The voice that says “I wish I had a” “If only I hadn’t”........my motto has been “ Being second means you are the first loser”. It is a pretty big wielding hammer.

So there it would be.....an obvious reason to delve into the wondrous joyful freeing gifts imperfection can offer me.

Leaving the throng of self defeating unhappy perfectionists...is not easy. Vigilance is necessary.

(credit www.smscs.com)

I am ready to focus and enjoy those parts of me that are outstanding...... as well I am so ready to love and light up those parts of me that I am uncomfortable with.

Dare to be vulnerable...Brené declares.

Have I gone too far with this blog? Oh well......or better yet....Brené suggests "Oh! Hell Yes!"

I am having fun being imperfect.